


talk to me

by orphan_account



Series: don't forget to water your plance [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Pidge | Katie Holt Needs a Hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Recovery, so don't read this if itll be triggering, srsly i want you guys to stay safe and happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:20:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24650716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: THIS IS A DARKER FIC!! this deals with past rape (of a minor), and rape recovery. there's nothing super explicit, but it is referenced, so don't read this if you think it'll be triggering for you. i marked it as mature because i didn't know exactly what to mark it as?? there's nothing explicit, but i still want people to be cautious when reading. again, if you think this'll be triggering to you, please don't read it. i want u guys to stay safe and happy:)the title is from the song 'talk to me' by cavetown. idk why i picked that song, but i think that at this point it's just be going through my playlist and choosing songs for titles lmao.
Relationships: Lance/Pidge | Katie Holt
Series: don't forget to water your plance [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767715
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	talk to me

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS A DARKER FIC!! this deals with past rape (of a minor), and rape recovery. there's nothing super explicit, but it is referenced, so don't read this if you think it'll be triggering for you. i marked it as mature because i didn't know exactly what to mark it as?? there's nothing explicit, but i still want people to be cautious when reading. again, if you think this'll be triggering to you, please don't read it. i want u guys to stay safe and happy:)
> 
> the title is from the song 'talk to me' by cavetown. idk why i picked that song, but i think that at this point it's just be going through my playlist and choosing songs for titles lmao.

She had felt it approaching all evening, but god, why did it have to happen now? She wasn't new to the sensation of panic, but her body was betraying her. The sensation started in her fingertips, leaving them numb and shaky. She tried to ignore it, she really did. She didn't want to let everyone down, but no matter how far down she tried to push all of the thoughts her brain was betraying her with, they always resurfaced, and at the worst times. Within a half an hour, at most, the feeling that had started in her fingertips had spread across her skin like wildfire, pushing itself into every nook and cranny of skin. The echo of voices and conversations around her were breaking in the corner of her skull, smashing against it over, and over, and over again, repeating themselves until she couldn't hear anything outside of her head.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew was panicking, and she vaguely knew that she was having a panic attack, and that the things she was seeing were not real, but she couldn't break the routine she was starting to fall into. God, she should be fine by now anyways. It happened four years ago, why the fuck was it resurfacing? And why now?

Regardless, she felt darkness pressing at the corners of her vision. She tried focusing on the sensations of the living room - the soft couch, the faint vanilla smell - but all she could feel was the cold metal against her knees. She could feel her wrists ache as they hung from the cuffs against the wall. The chills that ran through her body as cool air brushed against her bare skin. She saw the disgusting purple and silver walls, she could smell the metallic smell that radiated the room. She clenched her eyes shut, trying to escape the scenery that flooded her vision, but it was all in her _head_ and she couldn't escape it. She yanked at her hair, desperate to feel anything but the calloused and cold hands roaming her body in places she didn't want them.

The disgusting smell of the Galra soldier in front of her.

She felt hands grasp at her, and she flinched away, pushing and shoving everyone and everything. A new pair of hands snaked themselves under her knees and lifted her up bridal style, carrying her to god knows where. A whimper escaped her mouth as she struggled against the person holding her, which only tightened their grip. She heard a voice from above her, but she couldn't quite place it. Everything felt like she was underwater. She felt herself being sat down against something - presumably a wall - and a pair of arms wrap around her in a hug. She shrieked, trying to get out of the hold.

"Let go of me, please, I'm sorry, don't touch me!!" she screamed, pushing herself away from the body trying to hold her - the stupid fucking galra soldier - and into the corner of whatever room she was in now.

Lance was quick to figure out what was going on after that, letting go of her quickly. "Pidge, Katie, it's me, okay? It's Lance" he started, taking a deep breath. "You're safe, alright? You're home, we're on Earth. The Galra Empire was defeated, the war is over. You're safe, you're alright, I promise" 

Katie struggled to hear the voice clearly, trying to focus on it. It sounded so familiar, but at the same time, still so _distant_. It felt like she was choking on oxygen, like there was a hand around her neck, but instead of keeping air out, it was forcing air in. A sudden pain seized over her chest, radiating from her heart down to her ribs. Her heart felt like it was trying to break out of her chest, like it was fighting against her skin to escape. 

"Lance?" she gasped quietly, clenching her eyes even tighter as she felt tears starting to leak out. The heart that felt like it was in her chest had dropped into her stomach, forcing everything into her throat, and forcing nausea into the rainbow of things she was feeling. She coughed, hard, making her breathing situation even more difficult as she gasped for air again.

"Yeah Pidge, it's me, Lance" he whispered with a small smile, even though she couldn't see him. "You're alright Pidge, you're safe" he grabbed her hand squeezing it lightly. "This okay?" he asked. A small nod. "We're in our apartment, alright? We're in our bedroom. Everyone else is out in the living room. We were preparing for a movie night, alright? We were making popcorn, and getting out ice cream. Keith and I were setting up the movie. You were over teasing your brother and Shiro about their relationship, it was really funny. They were flustered and stumbling all over their words. Hunk gave came up and gave you a hug from behind" he paused, looking down to judge her features.

Her eyes were still clenched tightly, and her breathing was still coming and going to quickly. He noticed that the tremors that had been rocking her body had slowed, indicating that he was helping. "I think that's what triggered it, but I'm not sure. But you're okay, Katie. Nobody here would ever try to hurt you, alright? We all want to see you safe and happy. The guy that hurt you has been dead for a long time. He's never going to harm you again, Katie. Ever. You're safe here. Nobody is ever going to hurt you like that again, I swear on my life, okay? I-"

"Lance" her voice was hoarse. A lump formed in the cavity of her throat, and she fought everything to swallow it down. "Lance, 'm sorry" she mumbled, her voice breaking as a sob tore itself from her throat.

"You're alright, Katie, it isn't your fault, I promise" he said quickly. "Can you open your eyes for me? If you don't want to, that's okay. But you're safe, alright. I just don't want you to have a bad headache from stressing all the muscles in your face" he explained. "You don't have to if you don't want to"

Pidge fought against her own mind, forcing her eyes open. Everything around her looked blurry and glassy, like she was looking outside from inside of a fish bowl.

"That's great, Katie" she heard distantly. Her eyes roamed the room, and though she couldn't see him clearly, she could see his tanned skin, and his brown hair.

"Lance?" she asked, still not sure if she was seeing properly.

"Yeah, Katie, it's me, Lance" he gave her another small smile. "Can you do something for me? You don't have to do it if you don't want to" he offered.

"Wha- What is it?" she asked, trying to catch her breath, her symptoms still overwhelming her senses. She couldn't get the feeling of his touches off of her skin. Everywhere he had touched felt like it was burning.

"I need you to identify some things for me, okay? First, can you identify five things you see?" he asked. Pidge was someone who liked order, right? Maybe putting this by step would make it easier on her. "Again though, you don't have to if you don't want to. Take your time, alright? Nobody is rushing you, we just want to help you"

"I-" she tried to start. Her throat felt like it was on fire every time she tried to articulate a word. Lance waited patiently, still holding onto her hand. "I- I see you" she started. Her vision was still blurry, but she could make out the outlines of his features. ".. and I can see the door" she added. She palmed her eyes, waiting for them to focus. "And the bed, and the dresser, and the closet" Her voice broke again on the last word.

"Great, Katie! You're doing amazing. Okay, can you tell me four things you hear?" Lance asked next, squeezing her hand again.

"I-I can hear your voice" she said. The tingling flooding her skin was starting to go away, but she could still feel _his_ touches up and down her skin. She focused on the sounds she could hear coming from the living room. "I can hear them talking outside" she murmured. "And the AC system". She took a deep breath, trying to find something else she could hear. "I-I can't hear anything else" she said, tears starting to break from her eyes again as she choked back a sob.

"Hey, it's alright, Katie, you're doing awesome, okay? Breathe with me" he said calmly, moving her hand to his chest, and holding it there. "You feel my heartbeat? You're alright, I promise you're safe". He took a deep breath. "Can you tell me three things you feel?"

Pidge nodded, using her free hand to feel around her surroundings. Her hand brushed against the carpet, and gone was the metal box she felt like she was trapped in. "The floor. The carpet. It's really soft" she started, glancing up at Lance, and continuing when he nodded. "It feels kinda cold in here" she added next, a shiver racing down her spine as she noticed the cool air flowing in through the vents on the ground. "And I feel you. And your heartbeat" she said finally. She looked at him for a second, her eyes seemed to be analyzing something. "Can-can you hug me?" she asked quietly, bracing herself for rejection.

Instead of rejection, a pair of strong and secure arms wrapped themselves around her, pulling her into Lance's lap.

"Of course, Pidge" he said in a voice barely above a whisper. He held her, rocking her in his arms as she worked on slowing her breathing to match his. The fifteen minutes that passed felt like an eternity to Lance, but every time her breathing would start to speed up again, or she'd start to tremble, there'd be a hand on her back, or in her hair, gently stroking to calm her down.

"You with me now?" Lance asked. "Or do you need some more time. You're in no rush, you can take as much time as you need, alright?" 

"I-I think I'm okay now" she reached a still somewhat shaky hand up to her eyes to brush tears away.

"Do you wanna go back out and still have movie night? Or do you think that'll be too much. Do you wanna sleep?" he ran a hand through her hair

"I wanna go do movie night. But..." she paused, taking a breath. "Can we stay here for a few more minutes?"

"Yeah, of course, we can stay as long as you want" Lance reassured her quickly, and Pidge snuggled into his arms. 

* * *

When the two finally did emerge from the bedroom, Pidge had swapped the pair of shorts the was wearing for a pair of joggers. Everyone was sitting in their usual seats on the sectional couch in the center of the room. The lights had been dimmed for her, in case she had a headache.

"You alright, Katie?" Shiro was the first one to say anything. Everyone had a look of concern painted over their features.

"I-I think so" she said quietly, with a small smile. Lance led her over to the couch to their saved seat, and she sat down in his lap as the wrapped a big and fluffy blanket around them. She was passed a container of peanut butter-chocolate ice cream and a spoon. Lance pressed a small kiss to her forehead.

She was sandwiched between her brother and Lance, and she felt safe.

Lance wouldn't let anybody hurt her like that again.

Neither would her friends, or her brother.

She was safe.

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i was rereading this while editing,, and i had him repeat her name a lot. idk if that would've made sense to a lot of people, but i wrote it like that so that it was like he was reminding her of who she was so that she didn't dissociate?? idk, i dissociate sometimes, and i was basing this a lot off of my own symptoms. my brain is kind of special though, so if something written seemed kind of weird?? i blame my brain because those are the symptoms i experience.
> 
> i lowkey might write an actual book based off of this scene, i haven't decided yet. if i did though, would anybody read it?? lmk lol
> 
> anyways, that was a rollercoaster of emotions, and definitely interesting to write. i haven't written a panic attack scene since i made a new ao3 account haha. oh well, thanks for reading!! if you want, you can follow me on tumblr, my @ is kxtieholts 
> 
> again, thanks for reading:)


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